A Piece of Paper That Changes Everything...

We always speak of it as the most expensive piece of paper one can obtain, but I don't think I've ever understood the meaning of a diploma until today.

Yes, it's official.

I am a college graduate.

Bachelor of Arts in Comprehensive Communication (Journalism) with minors in Theatre and Bible to be exact. What is surprising me is that I have not made a single comment in connection to the ironic "value" of that piece of parchment, but I can't help but sit here and experience my mind trying to grasp the enormous symbolic and literal change that just occurred in my life.

One side of me feels like I want to take on the world. Full-force. Just move somewhere away from the confining cornfields of southwest Ohio where I find myself now and pursue the dreams I've imagined all my life.

The other side of me is still focused on Cedarville. Focused on the friendships I've built, the actions I've set in motion, the possibilities at hand. I love Cedarville. Immensely. It has taught me so much, challenged me intensely, and has seen me through incredible undulations of life. So much of me feels as if I need to give back, to stay involved, to be able to encourage prospective students, current CU family, and alumni. I find so much excitement in imagining myself continuing to pour into CU, but my biggest thing right now is just the need to stop trying to weigh out every detail and trust God to make my way.

I am a planner. A visionary. A strategist. Sitting here, not knowing my exact direction and not entirely being in control is my most intimidating opposition. It's times like this that I find myself so torn. So tempted to weigh out pros and cons, make lists, make contrasting agendas etc. etc. while knowing I just need to stop, hand over all my concerns and confusion to the One and Only Sovereign God and just watch Him work it out.

Another thing about me... I think and feel and live so often through song lyrics. For example, I just can't keep certain lyrics from running through my head right now, a song I performed with OneVoice Ensemble this year..

A wave of Your hand can command the seas to hold their peace
If you can handle the seas
Then I know that You can deal with all my needs
So I will put every situation
Into Your capable hands
I don't have to know the plan
Because You are

You are the sovereign God
Bigger than all my problems
And every situation
There is nothing too hard
For the sovereign God

He is able to do exceedingly abundantly
Above all we ask or think
So take all your burdens and lay them at His feet
And watch Him meet the need
We have the victory

I hate being vulnerable. I've always felt that I need to remain strong, in control, and hide any evidence of not "having it all together," but I've learned more and more that it is through my vulnerable times that God shows me my need for Him. Through my lacking, He proves time and time again that He is my Jireh and my sustainer.

God is good, ya'll... Pray that I won't fail to see that at all times.

Congratulations Cedarville University Class of 2010. It's been unbelievable. I hope your time has been as stretching and as impactful as mine has been. Love you all!